We are often fascinated by the most diverse objects of desire, whether they are clothes, holiday destinations or other consumer goods. Very often, we are captivated by an inexplicable fascination with the inaccessible – the car we cannot afford, that dream house that would take us to another level, that person we admire on social media but deep down we do not want to meet. Sometimes, the forbidden relationship with a committed person seems so much more interesting than everything else, the promise of salvation – the forbidden fruit is the most desired. Then there is that course we will never take, leaving us dreaming of a revolutionary career change…
These successive postponements allow us to feed fantasies of imaginary completeness, of how everything will then be perfect and complete, in an expectation of plenitude, free from frustration. According to Laca, object to, the object of fantasy, results from the trail of an imaginary primordial satisfaction, to which the subject always tries to return. Satisfaction never happens because the lack is constitutional, there is no complete satisfaction. Just as there is no representation or complete understanding – every symbol is partial, every representation of oneself betrays oneself, however complete it may be, it is always an approximation, something escapes and slips away. This lack tends to be refused and covered up by a fantasy of completeness that can only be sustained at a certain distance from the object of its realization, because once the desire is realized, the lack and the need to deal with it are reaffirmed. Often the subject boycotts what he most desires so as not to lose it. In this way, we keep our fantastic projects on a horizon of postponed possibility, we just can't realize them so as not to lose the fantasy, so as not to "find the mismatch".
This fantasy state of completeness is artificial and empty, devoid of fulfillment, of authentic encounter with oneself and with others, of confrontation with life that presupposes the risk of living. We become numb, fantasy becomes a kind of legal drug for the masses of a society in which everything is available and open – it seems that we cannot commit ourselves or create bonds, so as not to lose anything. However, we end up losing out of fear of losing – it is through our choices and commitments that we create bonds, that we leave the mark of our existence, of our identity. Choosing is being able to lose things in order to gain others, others that mean something. If when I choose one thing among 10 the only certainty I have is that I have lost 9, I will always be in search of the slippery, of what escapes, of what fades away, I only value it when I do not have it. When I can lose and let go, accepting lack and incompleteness, I can take responsibility for my personal choice, build connections with the other as they are, an authentic other and not a fantasy other. An encounter where I find a place for myself as a person and not as a sparkling idea, with a shine to please everyone (and no one in particular). A place that leaves its mark and gives meaning/significance.
Daniel Figueiredo, Psicólogo, Psicoterapeuta, membro da SPPC
